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Why the way you’re handling conflict makes you look weak

first_img 50SHARESShareShareSharePrintMailGooglePinterestDiggRedditStumbleuponDeliciousBufferTumblr,Holly Buchanan Holly Buchanan is the author of Selling Financial Services to Women – What Men Need to Know and Even Women Will Be Surprised to Learn. She is the co-author of The … Web: www.SellingFinancialServicesToWomen.com Details One of the top ways leaders lose respect is by poorly handling conflict.  How you handle yourself in a conflict situation is so important because it is not the easy interactions that define who you are as a leader, it is the difficult ones.  Let’s say there is a conflict at work.  Someone is disagreeing with you.  How do you handle it?  Do you appear in control or out of control?  Do you appear secure or insecure?  Do you appear calm or emotional?  Do you appear strong or do you appear weak?  Now, from the title of the article, you’re probably thinking if you don’t stand up for yourself, or if you give in or if you let the other person “win” during a conflict at work, you appear weak.  Actually, the opposite is true.   Sounds counterintuitive doesn’t it.  But here’s why.In conflict, our instinct is to push against….to say, “You’re wrong!”In situations where someone disagrees with us, our natural response is to push against that person.  To prove that they are wrong.  Here are some examples:Opponent:  You’re too old to run for political office.Candidate:  I’m NOT too old to run for political office.Person 1:  It’s going to take 50 years before we see a real positive change. Person 2:  It’s not going to take 50 years to see a real positive change.Person 1:  What if we train our employees and they leave? That’s a waste of money.Person 2:   That’s not a waste of money.Bully:  You run like a girlGirl:  I do not!Pushing against is a reasonable and natural instinct.  Wanting to prove that the other person is wrong is a reasonable natural instinct.  And it makes you look weak.By pushing against you can appear aggressive, defensive and/or insecureWhen you push against, you think you appear strong, but often you look either aggressive or defensive.  What triggers someone to feel the need to be aggressive?  Insecurity.  What causes someone to be defensive?  Insecurity.  When you are being physically attacked these instincts can serve you well.  But we’re talking about interactions with co-workers, not muggers.  It may feel like these people are attacking you personally, but to achieve your goals, “going with” their argument may yield better results.   I hear you saying, “But what if they ARE wrong!”  When you start from the premise of “you’re wrong” you are no longer on that person’s side.  You are each focused on proving how the other person is wrong.  This makes win/win solutions nearly impossible.  It also makes the other person feel attacked rather than understood.  So what can you do to NOT appear aggressive, defensive or insecure (aka weak)?The power of going with vs. pushing against your opponentInstead of pushing against, go with your opponent.   Opponent:   Ronald Reagan is too old to be president.Ronald Reagan:  I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience.Instead of pushing against being too old, Regan acknowledge he was older than the other candidate, but turned it into a positive, rather than a negative attribute.Person 1:  It’s going to take 50 years to see real positive change.Person 2:  It could.  I think it may be closer to 25 years before we see real positive change.When you push back and say “it won’t be 50 years” you set yourself up on opposite sides. By going with, or agreeing with the main point “we won’t see a real positive change” you are on the same side of the issue, simply talking about the timeline vs. arguing over the validity of the main premise. Person 1: What if we train our employees and they leave? That would be a waste of money.Person 2:  What if we don’t train them and they stay?You went with their argument “it’s a waste of money to train our employees.” But then followed it to a logical conclusion.        Bully:   You run like a girl.Girl:  And if you ran a little faster, you could, too.This is an incredibly powerful technique for dealing with bullies. Bullies are itching for a fight.  When you “go with” their argument, you throw them off balance.  They are expecting you to be defensive.  Instead you own the “insult” then flip it on its head to turn it into a positive.  This sends a message of security vs. insecurity.  For those of you who are still thinking, “But if I give in or let them have their way, I am surrendering!   And that’s going to make me look weak.”   This is NOT surrender.  When you surrender, you give the other person control.  In this case you are maintaining control of the interaction at all times.  In conflict, going with vs. pushing against is a way to mindfully influence a situation, rather than mindlessly react to it.    And THAT is the sign of strong leader.P.S. For those of you who recognize the philosophy of Aikido here, you are correct.  We’ll have much more on that coming soon.  last_img read more

VINES looks to expand after REDC award

first_img“It will be the first net-zero energy building built in Binghamton, which means it will produce as much energy on sit as we consume,” LoDolce said. “It will be kind of a showpiece in Binghamton.” “There was a lot of cheering in the office when we got the news for this funding,” said executive director Amelia LoDolce. “It was a fantastic end of year gift. It was really, really amazing.” Back at VINES’ office, a massive celebration followed the news. So as 2019 ends, LoDolce is excited to plant the seeds for a green future. But the new office building LoDolce and VINES are planning won’t just be your run-of-the-mill structure. Currently, VINES operates in the basement of the United Presbyterian Church in Binghamton, but with a new central location, LoDolce believes the non-profit can continue to help members grow food locally, and educate them on sustainable practices. LoDolce told 12 News VINES has been in talks with the City Council of Binghamton about properties they are interested in, and that they have been given the green light in regards to a location. This was the first year the non-profit organization went through the REDC’s application process. But with the funding now secured, VINES is focused on branching out.center_img The New York State Regional Economic Development Council (REDC) awarded VINES $600,000 in funding, contributing to the $88.9 million the entirety of the Southern Tier received, making our area the top performer. “Our plan is to build an office for VINES,” said Amelia LoDolce, executive director at VINES. “We’re in a small space right now and growing tremendously so we need a place that can be our home for not only staff but also programming in the community.” “VINES helps people grow their own food and then access locally-grown food from our area farmers,” LoDolce said. ‘We can’t keep up with the demand we’re seeing in the community unless we can grow our staff and have the place that we need to support that.” They hope to break ground in May 2020. BINGHAMTON (WBNG) — Volunteers Improving Neighborhood Environments (VINES) is planning to move to a new office space, after receiving over a half-a-million dollars in award money Friday. “We’ve grown tremendously over the last 13 years since we were founded,” LoDolce said. “We’re really excited to have been selected.last_img read more

Update on the latest sports

first_imgUpdate on the latest sports NBA players will see 25% of their paychecks taken out starting May 15 in an agreement with the league. The decision was finalized today in a board of governors meeting and was done in concert with the National Basketball Players Association.The cutback in salary has been expected for some time in response to the NBA’s shutdown caused by the coronavirus pandemic.The NBA playoffs would have started Saturday. If none of the 259 outstanding regular season games are played, the players would lose about $800 million in gross salary.Commissioner Adam Silver said it remains impossible for the NBA to make any decisions about whether to resume this season and that it is unclear when that will change.In Friday’s other developments related to the coronavirus pandemic: Associated Press — The Blue Jackets have signed All-Star goaltender Joonas Korpisalo (YOH’-nuhs kohr-pih-SAH’-loh) to a two-year contract worth a reported $5.6 million. The Finnish-born netminder has a 19-12-5 record, 2.60 goals-against average, .911 save percentage and two shutouts in 37 appearances this season. Korpisalo has established career highs in games played, wins and goals-against average since taking over as the starter when Sergei Bobrovsky (boh-BRAHF’-skee) left via free agency last summer.WNBA-DRAFTIonescu goes to Liberty with top pickNEW YORK (AP) — Sabrina Ionescu was the No. 1 pick in Friday’s WNBA draft, going to the New York Liberty in an Oregon sweep of the top two picks. Ionescu set the NCAA record for triple-doubles and was the first college player to have over 2,000 points, 1,000 rebounds and 1,000 assists in her careerThe WNBA draft went about as well as the Dallas Wings could have hoped after pushing toward the night for so long. The Wings had three of the top seven picks Friday. Dallas picked Oregon 6-foot-4 forward Satou Sabally second overall. Princeton guard and three-time Ivy League player of the year Bella Alarie was taken by the Wings with the fifth pick. They got 5-10 South Carolina point guard Tyasha Harris at No. 7.  — The Senior LPGA Championship has been canceled. It was scheduled to be played July 30-Aug. 1 at French Lick Resort in Indiana. The USGA previously canceled the U.S. Senior Women’s Open. The Senior LPGA will stay at French Lick in 2021. The new dates will be determined later.— Major League Soccer says it is pushing back restarting the season to at least June 8. Teams had played two matches before the season was suspended on March 12 because of the pandemic. The league had been looking at possibly resuming play in mid-May.— The governing body of track and field is leading a panel of Olympic sports to advise on safely organizing mass gathering events amid the coronavirus. World Athletics says the Outbreak Prevention Taskforce includes the International Institute for Race Medicine and officials from cycling, rowing, skiing, triathlon and the International Paralympic Committee.COLLEGE BASKETBALL-NBA DRAFTSDSU’s Flynn, UNC’s Anthony turning pro April 18, 2020 UNDATED (AP) — Marion Hollins has been elected to the World Golf Hall of Fame.She was elected through the contributor’s category, joining a 2021 class that so far includes Tiger Woods.Hollins was a visionary in golf course architecture. She financed and developed a club only for women in New York in the early 1920s. And she was the brains behind Cypress Point Club and Pasatiempo in California.Hollins died in 1944 when she was 51.The induction is planned for March in Florida. UNDATED (AP) — The Winnipeg Jets and Dustin Byfuglien (BUHF’-lihn) have agreed to mutually terminate the veteran defenseman’s contract after a lengthy dispute, potentially marking the end of his hockey-playing career.No financial settlement was part of the agreement, meaning Byfuglien walked away from the $14 million remaining on his contract for this season and next. Winnipeg general manager Kevin Cheveldayoff said a conversation in September led him to believe Byfuglien was healthy but “had lost his desire to play in the National Hockey League.”The Jets suspended the 35-year-old for not reporting to training camp. They received a call from his agent in October that he was considering a return. Byfuglien underwent ankle surgery in October and rehabbed into the winter.Byfuglien filed a grievance through the NHL Players’ Association believing he should be paid while recovering from ankle surgery.Also in the NHL:center_img UNDATED (AP) — Two of college basketball’s young stars have announced they are entering the NBA draft before completing their eligibility.The list of draftable players now includes consensus All-American and Mountain West Conference Player of the year Malachi Flynn, who will forego his senior season at San Diego State. Flynn became the most decorated player in Aztecs history in his one season at SDSU after transferring from Washington State and sitting out a year. Flynn averaged 17.6 points, 5.1 assists and 4.5 rebounds this season as the sixth-ranked Aztecs went 30-2.Cole Anthony is entering the NBA draft after just one season at North Carolina. He had been considered a likely one-and-done player and a high first-round draft prospect before his arrival in Chapel Hill. The son of former NBA player Greg Anthony set an ACC freshman record by scoring 34 points in his conference debut and finished the season averaging a team-high 18.5 points for the Tar Heels.NHL-JETS-BYFUGLIENJets, Byfuglien split — Von Miller says he is in good spirits and “not feeling sick or hurting” after testing positive for the coronavirus. The Broncos linebacker told KUSA-TV in Denver that he developed a cough a couple of days ago. When his nebulizer for his asthma didn’t clear things up, he decided to get tested.— The NFL will hold a practice remote draft on Monday, three days before the real thing is done in the same way. Commissioner Roger Goodell ordered all team facilities closed in March, and later required club personnel to conduct the draft from their homes. Because of the reliance on free-flowing communication, the league decided to stage a mock draft to ensure that the proceedings next week would go smoothly.— NASCAR has postponed the May 9 race at Martinsville Speedway in Virginia with the state under a stay-at-home order until June 10. It gave no indication when the season will resume. NASCAR suspended its season four events into the year when sports shut down because of the pandemic. It had listed Martinsville as its first race to resume.— Nippon Professional Baseball’s season openers will not take place in May due to the new coronavirus pandemic, with no firm date set for the start. Representatives of the 12 teams decided Friday to also scrap interleague play. The removal of 18 interleague games from each team’s calendar would make for a 125-game regular season.— English Premier League clubs discussed the coronavirus testing required and scenarios that could salvage the season. The league hopes to restart on June 8, presenting an optimistically tight timeframe for players to return to game shape if social distancing is relaxed. Clubs in the three professional leagues below the Premier League have been told by the English Football League that May 16 is the earliest training sessions are recommended to start. HORSE RACINGHorse racing gets more TV time with other sports on holdUNDATED (AP) — Socially distanced crews in New York and California are keeping horse racing on television in the U.S. during the coronavirus pandemic. Horse racing is one of the few sports ongoing, albeit in a limited capacity at a handful of empty tracks. But its TV presence has expanded because of the dearth of other options.The New York Racing Association helps produce “America’s Day at the Races” on Fox Sports. TVG has partnered with NBC Sports for a dozen hours of coverage each week and the hope is that the fledgling industry can stay afloat and gain more exposure during these trying times.Live racing at Aqueduct Park in Queens was suspended in mid-March after a backstretch worker tested positive for the coronavirus. Groom Martin Zapata, 63, died in early April from COVID-19 complications.,Tampa Bay Lightning advance to face Dallas Stars in Stanley Cup finals, beating New York Islanders 2-1 in OT in Game 6 Lauren Cox went third to Indiana and Chennedy Carter was the fourth selection by Atlanta.Due to the pandemic, Commissioner Cathy Engelbert announced selections from her home in New Jersey, holding up the jersey of the player being chosen.WOMEN’S SOCCERNWSL had momentum heading into now suspended seasonPORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — The National Women’s Soccer League was set to open its eighth season this weekend with plenty of momentum behind it courtesy of an enthusiastic new commissioner in Lisa Baird and a new TV deal with CBS. The league was also riding a surge in attention following the United States’ victory in the Women’s World Cup last summer. The national team’s players are scattered throughout the NWSL, with U.S. Soccer paying their salaries.The league averaged 7,337 in attendance last season, a 21.8% increase over 2018 — the so-called “World Cup Bump”But like other leagues, it’s now on hold because of the coronavirus pandemic. Among those who have been sidelined are the Portland Thorns’ Morgan Weaver, the surprise No. 2 draft pick this year. Weaver got in just about a week of training camp before the NWSL was suspended. GOLF HALL OF FAME-HOLLINSMarion Hollins elected to 2021 class of Golf HOF Share This StoryFacebookTwitteremailPrintLinkedinRedditVIRUS OUTBREAK-SPORTSNBA player payroll slashed due to pandemicUNDATED (AP) — The COVID-19 pandemic is taking a bite out of NBA salaries.last_img read more


first_imgBY EMMET RUSHE: January 2015 is here.The new wave of ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ will have started as people set out to undo the Christmas excess and ‘finally’ reach their goals. 

There are literally hundreds of options available to help you along your way this January.Yet with all these options available, statistics show us that 90% of New Year’s Resolutioners won’t make it to the end of January. Why then is it so hard to stick to our New Year’s Goals?Quite simply, you are expecting too much of yourself too quickly at the beginning.If you were planning to run a marathon, you wouldn’t turn up on race day with all your new training gear and expect to finish the race, would you?So why is it that most people think they can simply change a lifetime of bad habits in the first 4 weeks of January? The truth is, it isn’t your fault.

We have been lead to believe through the media, television and internet, that huge rapid weekly weight loss is the norm and anything else is simply a failure.This is simply not true.Weight loss is not linear.Your weight will fluctuate day to day and week to week.You weight loss will stall; do not panic when it does. If you see every slight set back as a complete failure, you are destined to fail before you even begin.Try not to run head first into January with all guns blazing.Take a step back and have a look at what you are trying to actually achieve.For the majority of people, an extreme lifestyle shift quite often ends in failure. So what do we do?We look for what is going to give us the MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF RESULTS WITH THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF EFFORTWe will be using the ‘2 week rule’ with this.The ‘2 week rule’ will determine if you are able to stick to one habit change before moving onto another one.What we are trying to do with this is to breed habits that will last.Change your breakfast from high sugar cereals; have an omelette with vegetables in it, or have porridge oats with berries.

Try and stick to this every day for 2 weeks.Once you can master this without missing, it is time for another habit change.If you snack on high sugar cereal bars or chocolate and crisps, try changing these for a portion of fruit and nuts.A portion size is one piece of fruit and a palmful of any nut except peanuts. 
Again, aim for a 2 week period of time and if you can master this, without failing, it’s time to change another habit.If you drink a lot of fizzy high sugar drinks, try and swap them for the ‘diet’ or ‘free’ variety rather than cutting them out altogether.If you go ‘cold turkey’ after drinking a lot of sugary drinks for a long period of time, you will have withdrawal symptoms. This can lead to you slipping back into old habits before long. 

Switching to the diet or free alternatives can help you to cut calories without feeling too deprived from what you were used to.This system is not a quick fix. It is not intended to help you to lose a large amount of weight in a short period of time, but rest assured, if you start making small dietary changes, not only will you lose weight, you will be more likely to keep it off.These small changes can help you to breed new habits and because you are allowing a suitable time frame to adjust to these changes, you are more likely to succeed in keeping them.
It will take slightly longer to achieve your goals, but you will achieve them.P.S
. If your New Year’s plans are the same ones that you have tried and failed at for the past few years, maybe it’s time to try something else. 

Try stepping outside your comfort zone and try something new. 
You might just love it.#TrainSmartTo keep up-to-date with tips and information on how to stick to your goals in 2015, check out my page through the link below.https://www.facebook.com/pages/Rushe-Fitness/120518884715118EMMET RUSHE’S FITNESS COLUMN: NEW YEAR – NEW YOU? was last modified: January 4th, 2015 by John2Share this:Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)Click to print (Opens in new window)Tags:columnDonegal Dailydonegaldaily.comemmet rushefitnessJanuaryNew Yearlast_img read more